March 4, 2013

  • Bye Grandma

    My Grandma passed away earlier this morning. I got the text around 430am, and I kind of just stared at it for a while. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I tried to remember the last time that I spoke to her. I tried really hard, and it took a while, but I remember. I don't want to forget so I'm going to right it down.

    I had visited her right after her surgery on Thursday, the night before we left for the Cabin Trip, but she was still in recovery and sedated, so I don't know if she even heard me. I'd like to think that she did. I said "Hi Grandma, it's Eric. You get better soon, ok? Next time I see you, you'll be fine, so get better soon, ok?"

    My last conversation with her was the prior Saturday. I was our typical short conversations, where I would say "Hi Grandma. How are you?" and she would do a little head nod and say "I'm ok". and then I'd say "Ok, that's good." Sometimes, if she was up for it, she'd go on and complain about something (too cold, can't sleep, etc.), but this time, she seemed tired, so it ended at that.

    Our last two real conversations were maybe two weeks ago on a Saturday when she was still in the ICU at Sutter Solano. The first one, it was me & Uncle Pete in the room. Seemingly out of nowhere, she started telling me about her mom (my great grandma) shortly before she passed away and about her will. I won't go into detail, but you tell by the sound of her voice and the look in her eyes as she was talking that she was kind of bitter about it still, even after all these years. I had heard this story several years ago, but never directly from her.

    The second was on that same day, and she was opening Valentine's Day/Get Well Soon cards that she had been given. It was me & Lianne in the room, and someone else who I can't remember. So Lianne handed her a sealed envelope, and Grandma opened it and immediately looked for money. She did even read the card, she held the card upside and put her hand underneath expecting money to fall. Then she checked the empty envelope, then turned to Lianne and asked, "Lianne, what did you do with the money?" Lianne was like "Grandma, it was sealed!" LOL....oh, Grandma.

    It's comforting to know that she's no longer suffering, no longer in any pain, that's she watching over us with Grandpa now.

    The weird thing is, I can't even go on Facebook right now. A lot of the fam are posting about Grandma, and for some reason it bothers the hell out of me. Everyone deals with grief in their own way, and I guess I can't deal with that at the moment.

    Grandma & her kids, all of them except for Uncle Rey in the PI. Pic taken on Father's Day June 19, 2011.

    And some of the grandkids. Missing Chris, Nate, Gabe, Katie, Jeff, Don, & Rem.

    Thank you for everything, Grandma. You will be missed.